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Ever feel like life's getting you down? Like there's too much to do, too much to learn, too much responsibility, too too too too too toooooooooo much? Do you? Then browse our extensive and unique collection of tin foil hats. Each was carefully designed to give you character, charm, and skill with every wearing! Why improve your station in life with hard work and conscious choice when you can more easily bend it to your will (and your scalp)? One size fits all! Hurry, supplies are limited (we're running out of CostCo tin foil)!
And if you're still not foo--convinced, check out An Empirical Study on the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets.
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The Centurion is a revolutionary new design bringing you the latest in tin foil technology. Featuring a camel hump crest and sexy lines, this helm will give you exorbitant confidence in the workplace and will allow you to better delegate your responsibilities to your peons.
Attributes:
Ego +10Possible Side Effects:
For some users The Centurion may cause frequent saluting behaviors as well as acid reflux disease.Price:
7 ducats
Za Cock Hat is our best and most popular series to date. Not to be confused with The Centurion, this hat encourages feelings of eurphoria similar to freebasing chicken eggs. With Za Cock on your head you feel as if you could fly above life's problems, high, high, high, above life's problems.
And stuff.
Attributes:
Cockiness +872
Sex Appeal +/-y (varies according to user)Possible Side Effects:
Uhm... Look at the bloody picture!Price:
Same price as The Centurion + a dozen size AAA eggs (organically farmed is preferable).
The Programming Cap is a uniquely space age design based on technologies discovered by NASA during the construction of the space shuttle and Hubble telescope. Two prominent digital horns will allow you to tune yourself into "The Zone" quickly and easily giving you the ability to create solutions to the most difficult problems including but not limited to writing faster and more efficient algorithms, finding the most effective route through rush hour traffic, and stopping world hunger.
Attributes:
Too busy...ask me later...Possible Side Effects:
Insatiable desire to drink StarBuck's coffee and crank up industrial music.Warning!!!
This cap should not be worn when driving sports cars or using the restroom (this, unfortunately, is how the bidet was invented).Price:
42
Lost your Programming Cap? Did your magic bullet shoot a hole in your foot? Did you invent another useless and arguably disgusting restroom fixture thus ostrasizing your peers?
Then get the Debugging Cap!
Yes, the Debugging Cap allows you to focus on problems and pin them down, one by one. Simply throw this on and bang, bang, bang, your bugs away.
Attributes:
It's soooo big! And pointy!Possible Side Effects:
"Hey, Buckwheat!"Price:
The Debugging Cap is currently out of stock due to the popularity of The Programming Cap (don't ask).
Yo...
Attributes:
Kewl...Possible Side Effects:
Dude...Price:
Wah?!
The elections are over and you feel like you've been had. I know how you feel. Tired, lonely, depressed, suicidal, wondering what would happen if you mixed window cleaner with Pinesol and baking soda then sniffing the fumes through a crazy straw.
For days like this put on your Anti-Bush Mind Control Device. It will soothe your tensions and prevent hypocritical political rhetoric from getting you down allowing you to stay in the country you love instead of steaking out a four acre square of land and seceding from the dictatorship.
Attributes:
Goodbye Prozac, hello Anti-Bush Mind Control Device!Possible Side Effects:
You might not bother to change the AM station when landing on some jerk of a talkshow host--not that it matters, it all rolls off like rain now!Price:
Free to anyone who loves life, liberty, and the right to shop on this web site!
