No, I didn’t fall down again, yes, I was going to push myself to write every day even though these days it’s about as enjoyable as my regular thirty minutes on the treadmill (which I always look forward to with a sense of dread). Hadn’t been sleeping at all well last week, usually falling asleep at the prescribed time then waking up two or so sleep cycles in with some amount of pain and discomfort but definitely being wide fucking awake. I should have known it earlier, but it wasn’t until Friday when I went from, “Well, that was another shitty night’s sleep,” to, “Oh goodness, I really don’t feel well,” where I pulled out a thermometer and watched as my temperature rose and rose and rose. By Saturday my body was waffling between 101 and 102.8 and for the life of me I couldn’t get warm (even a hot scalding shower felt far too chilly). Took a COVID/Flu test Friday and came back negative on all counts, which seemed odd if I was having some level of symptoms since last Monday, so retested Saturday and came back positive for Flu variant A.
It sucked because I had plans for the weekend, above and beyond just hitting an antique store or two and taking photographs, both of which have become something I look forward to doing each and every weekend. And there was a photography show happening at and around my favourite (film) photography store, which I’d been looking forward to for months. Plus, I’d been corresponding with a guy on the other side of town who was selling a Yashica 44 LM camera (more on what that means another time) for a measly $30 (this camera typically goes for between $120 and $200) and he wasn’t going to hold onto it forever.
Fortunately, my fever broke late Saturday night, so while I did miss the show, I was just feeling well enough this morning to meet the camera seller at a slightly adjusted non-contact based schedule. Seems he’s been a collector for awhile and anything he doesn’t want to keep he’s just trying to get good homes for. So I’ll be in touch with him again tomorrow to give him the brief overview of the journey I’m on, what I’ve got in my collection, and what I’m looking for. Picked up the camera, which seems to be in working condition–though I won’t know until I can pick up 127 film from Blue Moon, something I had planned to do Saturday while they were open, another plan that bit the dust–came home, and crashed. I don’t think it was until about six or seven tonight that I started to feel human again, not completely out of the woods, but human.
And you know what that means?
It means tomorrow is Monday and I’m back to it!
Haha
Fortunately next week is a three day work week as is the week after that, the week after that, and the week following that. 3 day weeks somehow lined up for the rest of the year and I can’t say I’m in a bad mood about that one–though I feel very blessed to have a job in this “great” country of ours where I’m able to do that. Not everyone does.
So yes, I’m hoping to treat writing like my treadmill time. I hope it gets easier with time except I don’t want it to be like my younger writing. I want to allow myself some room to breath. I want to do more stream of consciousness writing but still capture exactly what’s on my mind. The reason for that, for me at least, is simple. I used to spend hours writing one, two, or three paragraphs. It was my autism completely hidden and fully on display. Had to get every idea and sound just right. And it was such a pain in the ass, one that, at my age, I’ve come to realize wasn’t worth it. Was anyone listening? Did anyone learn or benefit from anything I had to say? I don’t know. But if someone did, I didn’t really hear about it.
So no, no more laser focus on every word and entry. But yes, I want to become even more proficient in conveying my thoughts as clearly and unambiguously as possible. Because I have a lot to say. And since I’ve not had the gift of children I’d like what I’ve learned to be something I can pass on.
I’m off to bed, goodnight.
…a…