Yep, we thought I had strep (apparently I’m a carrier) but instead it turns out I have something called Citrobacter Freunii. Apparently this is a fairly common bacteria in our gut bioms, but it’s in places in my body it’s not supposed to be. Given how these new antibiotics are effecting my body I suspect it’s been an ongoing infection in my mouth, throat, nose, and possibly brain. Yeah, it’s so fun having a weak immune system.
I can’t even begin to explain how it’s negatively impacted my life (assuming this is the primary infection my body has been fighting for the last god knows how many years). It’s robbed me of joy. It’s made me experience days where I literally feel like I could die at a moment’s notice. It messes with my moods, causes pain, and sometimes gives me deep empathy for what it must be like to experience Alzheimer’s or worse, simply loose ones mind. I never know if today is going to be a “good” day or a bad one, if I’ll be able to work, go out and engage in any hobby, get back to the yard work, or simply chat with a friend online. Having a weakened immune system is not something I’d wish on anyone.
Stress. That’s the clincher. Stress is about the worst thing you can add to an already stressed immune system. But my life is stress. After decades of struggling with health issues I really fucking need a month or two off to let my mind and body reset. But that’s not a possibility, not even remotely. It’s only been a handful of years since my dad passed away and my mom’s had some serious health issues that haven’t helped things. Don’t really have many support systems I can count on, certainly not anyone I can really talk to about concerns, issues, and frustrations I experience on a daily basis. The weight is sometimes unbearable and I frequently deal with it by diverting energy as fully into my activities, work or otherwise, as I’m able. Not to mention the daily onslaught of insane bullshit that’s occurring in this country every single day, wondering how much higher prices and health insurance are going to rise next year, the year after, and the year after–don’t get me wrong, I appreciate what I have, but how long will that last if my health takes another crash, if it doesn’t, as I hope, improve after this n’th course of antibiotics?
Well, I am happy that I’ve made good progress on my photography web site. However, that being said, I’ve hit a wall over the last few weeks. Can’t even remember when I last picked up a camera and took a picture. This isn’t terribly uncommon though, this disinterest in a hobby or pursuit. I’ve experienced it all my life. Part of my flavor of autism. I’ve never been one of those spectrumy types that finds one core interests and can focus my energy on it. Nope. I find one, find my entire being directed at it for a period of days or weeks, and then something else catches my interest. In a way it’s benefited my life as I’ve experienced and learned so many wonderful things, in another it means I loose interest before I really become truly proficient at anything because, once I’ve gained a certain level of understanding and experience, I’m ready to try something new. Some examples include cooking, painting, gardening, etc. Two of the few things I was able to stick to with an insane level of passion have been motorcycling (which I can’t do anymore due to my health) and photography.
But there’s a camera get together tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it, I think, and just hope my body doesn’t crash again in the next 24 hours. Thank the gods for pregnizone!
Happy Friday folks,
Aslynn
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