Couldn’t sleep last night. Went to bed around 1am. Woke up around 4am. Laid in bed until about 6:30 at which point I realized I might as well get up and be productive, or at least read a book or something. I should honestly do this more often when I have insomnia like this–actually, I should get up after one failed sleep cycle (approximately 30 minutes or so) as I’ve found that after a short spell doing something like reading, taking a bath, or watching a movie, for that missed sleep cycle, I’m eventually able to get back to sleep. But not this morning. I feel wired, like I’d had a whole gallon of coffee yesterday. C’est la vie.
So I decided to rearrange my office desk, bringing in some ideas I had while laying in bed stairing at the ceiling and petting the bedroom cat. A little adjustment and now I have 4 monitors instead of only 3 (only 3 he says) attached to my work machine and enough additional room on the desk for my two other laptops, one which is my primary personal machine, and this one I’m typing on now, which I setup primarily for working on my blog which, as you know, I haven’t really done shit with in years. Not that anyone’s been paying attention.
I want to get back into writing. But my motivations are different. My age and health are different. And I can’t seem to find out how it fits into the cadence of my life. Sure, I spent the last six or so months of my life getting obsessed with photography, but I can’t for the lift of me write. Both are forms of output, of art, and yet I’ve experienced so many years of feeling unheard and generally not having people I can confide in that the very idea of it can set me to drinking and chain smoking.
I have always been my own personal punching bag.
But here I am again, trying. Maybe it’ll last for a day, maybe a week, maybe a month. I’m hoping by setting this laptop up in a regular space I’ll write more frequently. It’ll be right in front of me. And frankly it’s got one of my favourite keyboards. For fifteen or twenty or so year old laptop it’s a real work horse. I’ve always got something on my mind. And I need an outlet other than photography.
Goodnight, good morning, and happy hump day.
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