I’m going to write about streaming tonight. From the perspective of an old fart.
I love streaming. I got into it from day one. Used to get Netflix DVD’s. Three at a time. And it was perfect. I think early on I was watching Dexter. I’d have three DVD’s. Which was more than enough for me to bing watch while one was in the mail.
Young people don’t get it. And that’s okay. I’ve got a few DVD players. One VHS players in every room. Can stream from anywhere. I can watch (almost anything) I want when I want.
But mostly here’s me bitching. About streaming…or what it “should” (or) can be (I’m why I’m not at a strip club right now).
So here are some things I love and hate in nor particular order (because I don’t get paid enough for that):
First, I HATE when I have to watch streaming and they have weekly shows. That is, I have to wait a goddamn week for the next episode. Why? Because it’s all about $$$. We’ve gotten past that point. And people like myself and my asexual wife just want to watch the show. They do it so you can stay hooked to a streaming service. Fuck you Season X of the Outlander! I can wait a few months to find out. I’m already hooked because a direct ancestor of mine went through that, but moving on…
Second, I don’t like short seasons. Once upon a time when I was a young fuck, seasons were 24 or so episodes long. Now they’re sometimes 8 or so. I understand that sometimes that’s how you make the best story (see later point), but often it’s not. It’s budget. You should make the number of episodes that make a full, complete story. And I shouldn’t be able to bing watch it on a weekend unless every single episode is top notch. Most shows don’t meet this criteria (some due, but I’m bitching now). I definitely miss the days where something might go towards 24 (like the show, “ironically” called 24).
I hate how there are so many shit shows there are now. There used to be 3 stations. ABC, CBS, and NBC. So they had to make a quality program to ensure you wouldn’t look at those other assholes. But that’s not true anymore. There are 800000000 stations…or the equivalent in 1980’s terms. So not everything has to be good. For example, there’s a program with at least 4 seasons on Facebook has. I’ve been watching them. Why? I’m working. Are they good? No. Is it good background? No. Will I mention the name of the show? No. Why? Because I’m not an asshole. Do I wish they’d fucking share the new season of It’s Always Sunny somewhere with one of the same actors? At some point. At some point. But that’s only because I want to see a sex scene between Charlie and The Waitress. It has to happen at some point. I’ve got Ed Wood’s Dirty Movies on DVD so I’m just saying, it has to happen to some point.
Apologies to that other guy. And the writers. And the actors. And the chubby short guy that’s older than me. I like your standup better.
I also don’t like how “seasons” aren’t “seasons” in any sense of the word. When I was a young buck (there’s probably some social media app I should be subscribed to to show my “buck”-ness) a season would end at the end of spring (a literal season) and start up at the beginning of another season (fall, another fucking season). One example is the very famous Borg episode from Star Trek The Next Generation when the Borg took over Captain Picard. Well, you know what mother fucker? You had to wait three months for summer vacation to end and then after school started again you’d figure out how the universe was fucking saved. There was a clear cadence. These days? I get Stranger Things while I’m making bacon, and the next “season” might occur after I lost my job and am homeless. Or after I’ve won the lottery. Either way, it’s random. I hate how now the idea “season” has nothing to do with pagans dancing to the moon cycles. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s like the British. They don’t even call them seasons. They’re heathens. They call them “series”. It’s not like they’re trying to fuck us over with a King or Queen (we’ve now done that for ourselves already).
Also, I do hate how shit vanishes. I started to get into West Wing. Got into season 5 of I don’t know how many. Then HBO—sorry HBO Max—sorry, Max—sorry, Elon Musk’s testicles, decided to remove it from human memory. Gone. Can’t watch it.
RE: previous point. Really wouldn’t care. Not a big deal me dying without watching a tv show. What’s a big deal is maybe it’s gone?
So here’s another complaint.
Elon Musk is an idiot.
I’m a poor sod. I’ve had this idea for the Internet version 2 for years. I’m not going to try to explain it. But basically, every piece of content will just be in a box. And that box will be protected. And that protection will saw who owns it. Box can live anywhere. Everywhere. Maybe in my computer. West Wing can live in my computer. But I can’t watch it. But the Internet V2 can say, “Give me West Wing and pay rich mother fucker d24 for it.” And it does. Because that’s how it works. And it streams to your house because you live next door to me. And then everything from all human existence will never be lost. It lives virtually everywhere. And can’t be accessed accept but he assholes that own it.
There’s a patent in there (someone will steal from me and not share any $ with me because America!).
Well, I’m at the end of my notes. Wife still won’t listen. Daughter still hates me. Gotta go to work on Monday again. Could go to a strip club but I’d rather buy a camera. But hey, there we are!