Been a long work week. I’ve been fighting the AWS cost API’s and it hasn’t been easy. One file can be over 700 megabytes in size. A CSV file only a mother would love. I spent a week working with AI to figure out how to take this HUGE file and remove extraneous headers I didn’t want as well as any duplicate headers. That took a couple days to work right. Then spent several twelve hours days, with the help of AI of course (which shaved my solution time down astronomically) to push the data from the CSV in a database. My first solutions were simple, but the inserts would take at least 8 hours. Needless to say, when things failed, they did so without much explanation. Was the SQL Schema fucked up? Was the tool failing for some other reason. Anyhow, worked all day yesterday and finally got it to download a 700mb CSV the was able to push that with a special SQL Server tool back into the database in under an hour. Blood, sweet, and tears, but a big win.
Something going on between my best friend and I. Not sure what. We had a heated test conversation a week or so about loneliness. I was in the mind set of, “Hey, I just need to be heard.” And I must have triggered something because things were said that have had me in a tail spin all week, revisiting past memories, as I try to reconnect, only to get silence. Would like to get through it. Always want to with people. Always have. Sadly, I have to feel hopeless given that my track record of, “Hey, let’s talk,” over my 51 years nearly always results in silent. We’ll see. Hoping he reaches out to me soon, if not, I plan to reach out to him in hopes of resolving whatever’s going on (I have no assumptions, just get the distinct sense that while I was talking about my experiences I triggered something for him). *sigh* We’ll see. I do love the guy though and don’t like misunderstandings, miscommunications, and the like. But I do recognize how challenging it can be for two people with two very different experiences of events from decades past can be resolved.
Taking pictures tomorrow. Looking forward to that. Going to take my Pentax 645nii which takes medium frame shots. One roll of Extar (sp?) and one of Phoenix Film. Plus has to rolls to take in to get developed, one roll of 120 from my Bronic, the other from an odd little Kodak I picked up a few months ago at antique store with a film type so rare they looked at me funny when I purchased it at Blue Moon two weeks back. Hoping to get good pictures from the alone with the other developed rolls I should be getting back tomorrow from a handful of film cameras I’ve been carrying around. Gonna check out another PDX photography store tomorrow as well, one I haven’t been to before.
Frustrated at my car. Check engine light came on a week or so ago. Thought I could replace the part but after looking around I can’t find any consistent information about what part to order, how to remove and install it back, etc. So trying to get ahold one of two dealers to get it replaced and have been nothing but playing phone tag. Maybe I shouldn’t have bought a primo type used care and stuck with a comparatively cheap Toyota or Subaru. Alas, I like what I like. It’ll get fixed eventually, just need to be patient.
Team is going to Austin in September. I missed the last trip two years ago. But I won’t this time. Will walk into my doc and demand a shit ton of prednisone (oral steroids). It’s like magic to my health. I’m simply not having another year where I can’t go to a major work function because a) my body won’t let me travel to another city and spend time with people for three days when b) I can take a pill and magically do my fucking job!
I feel embarrassed by whatever this health condition I have is and how doctors aren’t taking the time to figure out what it is. So fine, they won’t take the time or effort to figure out how to treat me based on something I really have? Okay, give me the steroids. They work. 100%. I feel like a human being when I’m on them and I sort of kind of need my job to keep a roof over my head to, fuck the risks, those are mine to accept, just give me the drugs!
Ah! You gotta love American health care.
I also want to become semi-pro photographer. No pro, but just good enough to earn a buck here and there doing events. My main obstacles are really my health and my autism. If I’m not feeling well, my autistic anti-social traits kick in. Have an almost impossible time relating to people, so the idea of making people feel comfortable in front of a camera seems impossible. But I plan to climb that hill. I’m working on my health. Drinking less. Smoking less. Exercising more. Eating better. Gettin the “right” medications and supplements into my system. But yeah, it’s something I want to start sometime soon, maybe the fall. Maybe start with a few gigs at $50 an hour, off nothing but all my pictures, JPGS and RAW, no guarantees except that’ll I’ll take what I see and try to make meaning of those picture. Plus, maybe there’s still room in the field for film photographer, people who want a handful of film pictures (including Polaroids) instead of perfect ones done by a professional. And hey, I feel there’s one strength I have: I’m really good at hitting emotional moments between people. Plus I’ve done at least one wedding (for free for a friend 25 or so years ago) and have won two photo contests in my life, so it’s not like I’m completely without skill (as I often feel).
Okay, it’s time to wind down. Gotta pee. Pet the cat. Watch some more Star Trek TOS. Brush my teeth. Sleep. Then up tomorrow to take in film, take pictures, and whatever the fuck other craziness someone my age gets to (so, no vegan tacos 🙁 ).
Goodnight,
Aslynn