I’ve been writing a lot more lately. Not here of course. On two passion projects, both of which happen to have associate web sites. One is devoted to photography, the other to family. The bulk of my free time lately has been devoted to both and while I’ve been wanting to get back to this, my “blog” blog, I’ve been thinking more about what this blog means to me, especially as I’ve added pictures I took about 25 years ago which make more sense to post on the family photo site which is slowly taking shape.
So what is this blog (to me)? Or what will it be?
Honestly, I think it’s the place I need to share, to philosophize, and to rant. I don’t have a lot of friends (never have) and certainly don’t feel I have anyone I really connect with in the way that I’ve always wanted or needed, the kind of person I can have heart to hearts with and feel 100% heard and understood and empathized with. Not sure why it’s so difficult to find people like that but after fifty one years orbiting the sun I have some ideas which I won’t go into today. Oh, and I need some place where I don’t have to mask anymore, and unfortunately that doesn’t get to be at the bottom of a handful of shots of whisky anymore.
So for tonight, one of each:
Share: I’ve enlarged two pictures I took at a dark room this past weekend, framed, and hung them on a wall. Also found a HUGE frame for a really cool picture of my great-grandfather, only recently discovered by myself, that’s been hung as well. Pleased with the results.
Philosophize: I’ve been examining how my love of Star Trek has effected my entire life, especially in terms of having a progressive mind set that’s all about the belief that we as a species are capable of great things including but not limited to ending poverty, starvation, and war, but those beliefs, I’ve come to realize, are not shared. Sure, people might by and large say they want those same things, but do they really? I don’t think so. We literally, right now, today, have everything we need as a species to solve all of these problems, but we continue to choose greed, fear, tribalism, conservatism (aka keeping things the same for the sake of, “That’s how we’ve always done things”), and our own self interests over the larger good. I’ve finally and only recently snapped out of my “Star Trek” mind set, that is, believing that this world view is the direction we’re headed as a species–the slow tilt toward authoritarianism here and around the world cured me of that delusion. Maybe we’re just animals subconsciously following our evolved tendencies and despite a few good eggs here and there that are ready to change and sacrifice to build a better world benefiting all…well, the one’s who are really in that head space are the few and far between.
Rant: I saw She Who Will Not Be Named at the No King’s Day parade recently while snapping photographs, you know, the one that emotionally manipulated and abused me for two years and on at least two occasions physically assaulted me. Accidentally ran into her a second time while stuck in barely moving foot traffic near the river and for those of you who have been in abusive relationships you can understand I was close to having a full blown panic attack (my heart’s even jittery as I write this) but I just kept my cool as well as I could, avoided letting her see me (though she probably did, we were only five feet away from each other at one point), and got by her as fast as fucking foot traffic would allow. Always blamed me for the abuse, never apologized, and made sure anyone in our social circle believed I was at fault. Since I’ve never put this thought to paper, now seems as apt a time as any: What a cunt.
Okay, enough for now, I’m going to go find some black and white’s I want to print up this week.
Cheers,
Aslynn
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