It’s going to be a lot of randomness tonight, so bear with me.

Decided to hook my parent’s old teeny weeny monitor up in my downstairs setup. I have too many good memories associated with the old POS (Piece Of Shit) and frankly, I needed to have more than one monitor connected to the Mac. Plus, I can position it straight ahead of me, which should help with posture downstairs, if back, legs, hip—oh, fucking everything—start to act up. Finally, I haven’t been able to live with a single monitor since about 1998 and am spoiled by the ability to be doing one thing on one while say having research or documentation up on the other.

I haven’t kept to my goal of going to the gym five days a week but am at least going every other day or so. It’s not easy. As you’ve probably picked up my health is not terribly great. Actually, the things that prevent me from going, if I’m not having a severe flare, are fatigue, pain, frustration. The reason for not going during a severe flare is obvious: I’m monitoring whether or not I’ll need to go to Urgent Care of the ER. Fatigue, anyone who’s had a serious long term illness should be able to easily relate to. Frustration? On some level I know the main reason I go is because I know if I don’t get regular exercise my body is just going to say “fuck it” a lot sooner than later so I’m just frustrated I don’t seem to be gaining much in terms of strength or stamina. Oh, and let’s not forget depression, which I’ve really started to struggle with as of late. Why go when I can just make something to eat and enjoy that and binge watch something and feel ill to the stomach from the meal and get that through my system with a shit ton of Miralax when no matter what I do I’m going to end up feeling not great to some level, bing watching, and hoping for a good bowel movement.

Bitch. Whine. Moan.

Speaking of bowel movements, I picked up my stool testing kit today so I’ll probably get that done Monday and return it just prior to the CT scan on my guts. Only took over a week to get that appointment scheduled due to the insurance company and their little games. Lots of phone tag. I’m not sure why the insurance company was taking so long to authorize an endoscopy and colonoscopy. Aren’t those required by law? Fuckers. The only reason I was able to get in this year is my persistence. Between insurance, doctors’ offices, test facilities, and so on and so forth, it’s amazing I get any care whatsoever.

For example. I had blood drawn for what’s called an ANA or Anti-Nuclear Antibodies test on November 1st. It’s now December 13th. I’ve been patient but I gave up last Friday, started checking in with two doctor’s offices. One said, “Doesn’t look like you had it done,” (I sorta remember talking about the test with the lab tech who drew my blood) while the other simply said they hadn’t gotten the results back. So I called the laboratory company Acme Inc. (not to be confused with LabCorp) and the person at the office where I’d had my blood drawn indicated she wasn’t privy to that information (fair enough, and to be fair I like this person who has always been professional and easy to have blood drawn from over the years) so she gives me the number of the office that’s supposed to help me. I call that office and the person I talked to cuts me off mid sentence and transfers me to another branch, and the next person says no, I need to be forwarded to another office. For the next twenty minutes I’m old hold listening to music repeating so constantly you’d think they might as well put on a scratched record, when a man finally answers and, to my shock, he’s already done the legwork. Can you imagine? Efficiency in this system? OMG! So while I’m holding my reality together he tells me those specific tests needed to be sent to the Seattle testing center and while doing so someone somehow associated me with another account. So basically my tests had been done for week but weren’t being reported to anyone. He pressed a few buttons and fifteen minutes later there were my results. This simple question, “What’s the status of my test results?” took me a total of four phone calls, being transferred to three different people on one of those calls, and a total of about 3 hours on the phone. America badly needs a single payer, single system, health care system. Can’t imagine how many billions get wasted every year because of this crap.

Grumble, grumble, grumble.

Hmmm, I do like having this monitor here, at least for writing. Might bring me over more often so I can finish working on my book, the one I at least want to publish before I die.

Be right back, going to take a quick breather…

Okay, back.

What else has been on my mind (besides the inevitability of my death)?

Bored at work lately. Ticked off I can’t take a week or two off because I’m out of vacation and sick days, nearly all of them I’ve taken because I’ve been too sick to work. Tired of not being able to take FMLA for a couple of months to get my health on track because I can’t afford to. And right now nothing on my plate at work is giving me any satisfaction—which is emotionally draining for someone who needs to feel a sene of accomplishment in anything I sit down to do (even if it’s to write a blog no one reads).

My wife’s on track to sell a couple things on Facebook market place that I’ve been looking to get rid of, including our kitchen table, which we never use. Would like to use that space for something else, like antiques. Something.

One and a half days to go until the weekend. I was able to talk sort of a half day Friday. Hope to find a decent Christmas tree that afternoon, assuming I feel up to leaving the house and being able to pick up a tree (something easy for me usually, but not during a flare up).

There was more on my mind but none of it’s coming to me at the moment. Looking forward to a good cheese, ham, and turkey sandwich and finishing out the final season of The Shield.



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