Today’s my last day of R&R. Tomorrow I start in again with work, or more accurately, trying to work with symptoms most people wouldn’t be able to tolerate, much less work while experiencing. Of course it’s been call after call to doctor’s trying to get the one medication that’s been of any help since July, but it’s pretty clear that they’re not taking me seriously. The medication has too many potential risks. It’s not like the risk of say, loosing my job or, say, suddenly dying from my symptoms, but hey, we gotta protect the hospital right? “Risk avoidant they are,” says Yoda.

So my cardiologist thinks I should go in to OHSU to see a neurologist but the neurologist said last week I need a referral so I called my cardiologist today to get the referral and she told me OHSU often rejects her referrals because she’s not a primary care provider but she’s going to try and hopefully it’ll go through because my primary care provider, who I’ve seen three times since July, has done next to absolutely nothing for me, commits to things when I see them that they never do, then never responds to my e-mail and phone requests when I remind them, “Hey, you committed to X, Y, and Z, and you haven’t done shit.” I’m about ready to make a meeting with the business office to file a formal complaint in person.

My dad died a few years ago of this kind of this kind of neglect. He went in a year before he died and laid out his symptoms, told them what he thought was going on. They ignored him, for the most part. Set appointments months out, one after another, as he got worse and worse. Finally, when he had to go to the emergency room they were like, “Oh, you’re right. And it’s too late. Do you want to die here or at home?”

A handful of fucking pills. $10 on my copay. They would be enough to make 80% of my symptoms go away. But the risk, the risk.

Goddamn mother fuckers.

On the bright side, I’m happy with my new TV/monitor. And I’ve figured out how to connect my laptop via HDMI through some trickery to my CRT TV so I can go from two monitors to three here in the man cave. Granted, the TV will have a shit picture, but it’ll just be for throwing over a window to stream Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, and the like. Fun any way you look at it. Very retro.

I’m going to go make some salad.

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