I started listening to Lenny Bruce’s autobiography How to Talk Dirty and Influence People tonight at the gym. I have to honestly say I payed attention to very little of it. A huge part of that is because of what’s happening health wise to me: I can barely (and sometimes never) multitask anymore. I realized today, while working, I don’t even focus on the screen while I’m working. My gaze sorta goes out of focus (as it’s doing right now) and I do what I have to do to get things done. If I focus on the actual screen, or a letter on the screen, I completely loose my train of thought. Fortunately, I can touch type at 100+ words a minute, so as long as that part of my brain is functioning I can work and I’m still able to get the letters to my fingers. Same’s true now, as I blog. And oh, there were a million things I was thinking about on the subject of social contracts tonight while I was on the treat mill.

I won’t remember them all now.

Fact: When I was going through my worst years of Lyme I was on a fairly high dose of Oxy. It worked well for me and I didn’t abuse it. One of the reasons I wasn’t abusive was that the last three or four days of every month I’d ween myself completely off it (so I wouldn’t become addicted and it would continue to work the next month). The days were hell, but I’d push through. I remember the day I’d go back to get my refill, barely able to drive, much less walk, in excruciating pain, and I’d struggle to park the car, and I’d see, as you have, a cart just randomly in the parking lot. Well, I’d just grab that one and take it into the store—even if I wasn’t going to use it. Why? Because deep down I had a social contract. We’re not lazy. We’re not cave men. We’re not selfish pigs. At least I’m not. So no matter how badly I felt, I’d take the cart back to the store. And I’d think, what kind of (probably) healthy asshole does this? What don’t they get about the social contract?

To this day I still hold this judgement against people who are too lazy to walk a fucking 100 feet back to the front door with a cart…. This kind of social contracts is, to be fair, one I impose on people (lazy people). But there are so many other kinds. Kinds that come up in Lenny’s humor.

I was thinking about it because I know if I was on a stage doing my jazz thing like he did, I wouldn’t just get arrested (today), I’d probably get shot (at some point). I’m worse than him. I wouldn’t just rant about things that you’re not supposed to rant about on the stage. Nah, I’d engage with specific audience members. I’d ask them poignant questions. And I’d eventually drill into them and their lives and questions and challenge them until they either cried or pulled out a gun. Because I’m the type of autistic person slash borderline that…well, apparently, can get away with more in modern times than he could back when he was on stage. Now that I’ve gotten to know his sense of humor better I’ve come to understand we’re kin. But I’m slightly different in that I will go right at a person and challenge the fuck out of them and I’m definitely different as in the person would probably try to kill me on stage before the cops came to rescue (arrest) me.

But I digress.

If I were Lenny I’d go up on stage today and talk about cheating. I’d have some rant to warm people up and then suggest maybe, just maybe, there’s a valid reason people cheat. Maybe they do because someone broke the social contract. You know the one. You find that perfect someone. But. They stop listening. They don’t do the things they promised to do (even in a prenup). They don’t hold your hand. They don’t give you kisses. They don’t fuck you. They don’t do the dishes, they don’t pay the rent, and they fucking complain all the time. They act like you don’t exist, they bitch if you don’t march to their drummer and even then, you get nothing back. Then maybe, just maybe, you talk to someone who gives you a hair more, who’ll actually give you the time of day. And you think, because you’re a goddamn human being, this is nice, you know, being treated like a human being again, because, well, that’s pretty swell. So you go for it! Yeah, yeah, people cheat for lots of reasons, but that’s one of them: breaching a social contract. Like not taking carts back to the store.

Side note: for those of you thinking I’m in support of some or all cheaters, I’ve been cheated on by several partners and it sucked balls. I’m talking about social contracts and I’m autistic and a Vulcan. Get with the program.

More personal to me, though, which I may not get through because my patience and ability to type while the pain in my back just goes up and up and up…actually, I couldn’t remember what it was so I went to watch a Studio Ghibli film, but now I’m back, and I remember it’s about an actual real life cunt and her breach of a major social contract and all associated social contracts, but that’ll have to wait for another night.

Cheers,

Aslynn